中国人的含蓄
最近我发现我社交上的一些问题，我给人一些冷漠和复杂的感觉，可这并不是我的本意。我想了一想，这是我一个人的问题吗？这是一个文化的问题。
很多在北京待过一段时间的人都告诉我，他们不喜欢北京，撇去污浊的空气和糟糕的交通外，北京人给人一种格外冷漠的感觉。那么上海呢？我和我的父母都一直居住在上海，我是个地地道道的上海人，上海给人一种什么样的感觉呢？国际化，交通方便，外国人也多乐于在上海工作生活，可以说这是一个被西方文化极度感染了的城市吧。我们显得热情些，可是“冷漠”和“复杂”好像还是会时不时地体现在我们的日常行为和人际交往中。中国人的“含蓄”在北京和上海可见一斑。
中国人的含蓄就好像中国的点心，像月饼、小笼、饺子、馄饨和各式糕点，外皮包裹着内馅，这些都是有“城府”的含蓄的食品。在这一点上，我觉得日本人和中国人有共通之处，我们的文化中都强调强大的自控力，对于情绪、行动、欲望和想法的表达都强调强烈的克制。在中国古代，一个人的外表如果能一直被一种冷静和泰然包裹着，那么这个人便是成熟的有城府的能担当大任的，我们也往往欣赏这类人。
在中国古代的一些文学作品中，含蓄得到了极大的展示和推崇。《三国志·蜀志·先主传》写道：“喜怒不形于色，好交结豪侠，年少争附之。”描述的主人公是曹操，形容一个有城府的人，内心和表面不会被别人瞅出来他的情绪。我们也用喜怒不形于色，好恶不言于表，悲欢不溢于面来形容一个人成熟、控制力强。我们的诗歌中，往往描述一番自然界的景象来间接地表达一种情感、隐喻哲理或者批判一种社会现象。我们喜欢藏，藏是一种艺术。
没有比眉目传情来更好的形容中国人表情上的含蓄了。中国女孩子的笑，不提倡露出牙齿，更多地我们用眼睛来表达情感，如果女孩子的眼睛和眉毛漂亮会很受欢迎。
可能正是因为中国人点心式的生活和交往方式，让不了解的人觉得冷漠复杂。我意识到了，这种点心的方式不利于有效的沟通，不利于培养深厚的情感纽带，不利于身心健康吧…所以我改变了，我慢慢地勇于表达自己的感情和想法，有什么话就直白的说出来，快乐、赞美和喜爱也勇敢的表达吧，可是我需要时间…
Reserved Chinese
Recently I found I got some problems on social contact. I appeared to be a little cold and complicated which I don’t want others to be impressed this way. But on a second thought, is it a personal issue? No, it’s not. It is a cultural thing.
Many of my friends who had stayed at Beijing for a period of time told me that they didn’t like Beijing. Let alone the air pollution and poor traffic condition, they found Beijing people are cold. What about shanghai? Shanghai is an international place with better traffic. Most foreigners enjoy their daily life here. Shanghai is greatly affected by western culture. We appear to be more enthusiastic, but some time, people still happen to be ‘cold’ and ‘complicated’. Chinese’s quality of being reserved can be seen from Beijing and shanghai.
Chinese people’s personality is like the dim sums（sweets） in China, such as mooncake, dumpling and pastry which have fillings inside. The dim sum can also be said as sophisticated food.:) I think that Japanese and Chinese have the common quality on this point. We both emphasize the strong self-control towards emotions, behaviors, desires and expressions of ideas. In ancient china, if a person could always keep calm at any situation, then he is sophisticated and could be trust . We often appreciated this kind of people.
In some literary works of ancient china, being reserved is praised highly. A sophisticated person wouldn’t express his happiness, sadness or anger easily. In ancient Chinese poems, poets always display a nature scene to express a certain feeling, make metaphors of philosophy or criticize the society. It is really an art to beat around the bush in our eyes.
No others send speechless message with eyes better than us which perfectly reflects our personalities of being reserved. In china, girls are supposed to smile without showing teeth. We prefer to express feelings with eyes. The girls with beautiful eyes and brows are more popular and welcomed in china.
Maybe the dim sum life style of Chinese make the people don’t understand us feel uncomfortable. I realized this problem and trying to fix it. The dim sum way makes communication inefficient and they are not good for setting up bonds with friends or lovers and maybe not good for physical and mental health…So send compliments to others, make your points directly and express your feelings… we really need it.
